Life Is Great

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you ! Expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

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Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at Home.

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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!! "
Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."

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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gavel on his table and shouted, "Order, order. "
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
"My trouble is,'"he said, "that I keep forgetting things.'"
"How long has this been going on?" asked the psychiatrist.
"How long has what been going on?" said the man.

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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.

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Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

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Man : Where are you from?
Woman : U.S.A.
Man : Are you here on vacation?
Woman : No. I'm here for lunch.
Man : What!!! All the way from United States of America!!!
Woman : No! Upper Serangoon Avenue.
Man : &*(^%#$!)*&^

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A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.
Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?
Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.
Lady : But I see no chicken in it!
Waiter : That's why it's so special!

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Mother : Why did you throw the butter out of the window?
Son : I wanted to see a butterfly.