Monday, June 16, 2008

New Guidelines for Employees - Funny


It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada
sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.


We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.


Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of


Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.


All employees will take their vacation at the same time
every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1,
July 4, and December 25.


This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early, provided your work is done.


This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train
your own replacement.


Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going once
each day, in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A'
will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin
with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, and the stall door will open.


Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Generation Gap ( joke)

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football
game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next
to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand
his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one
!", the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.

"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space
travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We
have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL,
BPS, light-speed processing .... and..."

...pausing to take another drink of beer.... The Senior took advantage
of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We
didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. Now,
you - arrogant little - what are you doing for the next generation?"

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

How not to pass exams

funny answer

how not to pass exam

too much playing

teacher might get head ache of this kind of students

clever though but stupid answer

too much watching tv

next generation kid

Ten ways to Stop telemarketing Calls

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance
calls from irritating you:

1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2 Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her,
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
him/her back.

3 Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4 Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put
them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5 Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the
phone to your five year old child.

6 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up....
louder... louder... louder!

7 If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these

8 Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

9 Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd
call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell
them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is
really MALE.

10 Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and
give him the HSBC call centre number.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Deadly Scrabble

Someone out there either has too much

spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:



When you rearrange the letters:

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


The boss drives his men;

The Leader coaches them.

The boss depends on authority;

The Leader on goodwill.

The boss inspires fear;

The Leader inspires enthusiasm.

The boss says "I";

The Leader says "We".

The boss says; "Get there on time"

The Leader gets there ahead of time.

The boss fixes blame for the breakdown;

The Leader fixes the breakdown.

The boss knows how it is done;

The Leader shows how.

The boss says, "Go";

The Leaders says, "Lets go".

The boss uses people;

The Leader develops them.

The boss sees today;

The Leader also looks at tomorrow.

The boss commands;

The Leader asks.

The boss never has enough time;

The Leader takes time for things that count.

The boss is concerned with things;

The Leader is concerned with people.

The boss lets his people know where he stands;

The Leader lets his people know where they stand.

The boss works hard to produce;

The Leader works hard to help his people produce.

The boss takes the credit;

The Leader gives it away.

So…..Who are you? A boss or a Leader?……


And take action to become a LEADER, not a BOSSSSSSSS.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Undies For Your Mobile Phone

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Petrol / Gas Saving Tips (Good tip)

Some really good practical ideas on fuel conservation.

Hi, here's some petrol saving tips.

Someone who has been in petroleum pipeline business for about 31 years
and is currently working for the Kinder-Morgan Pipeline in San Jose ,
CA wrote the following information:

We deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period from the pipe
line; one day it's diesel, the next day it's jet fuel and gasoline.
We have 34 storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000
Here are some tricks to help you get your money's worth.

1. Fill up your car or truck in the morning when the temperature is
still cool. Remember that all service stations have their storage
tanks buried below ground; and the colder the ground, the denser the
When it gets warmer gasoline expands, so if you're filling up in the
afternoon or in the evening, what should be a gallon is not exactly a
gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and
temperature of the fuel (gasoline, diesel, jet fuel, ethanol and other
products) are significant. Every truckload that we load is
temperature-compensated so that the indicated gallon age is actually
the amount pumped. A one-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for
businesses, but service stations don't have temperature compensation
at their pumps.

2. If a tanker truck is filling the station's tank at the time you
want to buy gas, do not fill up; most likely dirt and sludge in the
tank is being stirred up when gas is being delivered, and you might be
transferring that dirt from the bottom of their tank into your car's

3. Fill up when your gas tank is half-full (or half-empty), because
the more gas you have in your tank the less air there is and gasoline
evaporates rapidly, especially when it's warm. (Gasoline storage tanks
have an internal floating 'roof' membrane to act as a barrier between
the gas and the atmosphere, thereby minimizing evaporation.)

4. If you look at the trigger you'll see that it has three delivery
settings: slow, medium and high. When you're filling up do not squeeze
the trigger of the nozzle to the high setting. You should be pumping
at the slow setting, thereby minimizing vapors created while you are
pumping. Hoses at the pump are corrugated; the corrugations act as a
return path for vapor recovery from gas that already has been metered.
If you are pumping at the high setting, the agitated gasoline contains
more vapors, which is being sucked back into the underground tank, so
you're getting less gas for your money.

Hope this will help ease your 'pain at the pump'!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Top 100 Greatest Love Songs

001 - Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You

002 - Elvis Presley - Love Me Tender
003 - Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
004 - Journey - Open Arms
005 - Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed
006 - Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
007 - Lionel Richie (With Diana Ross) - Endless Love
008 - Elton John - Your Song
009 - Jackson Five - I'll Be There
010 - Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
011 - Etta James - At Last
012 - Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love
013 - Sinead O'connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
014 - Olivia Newton John - I Honestly Love You
015 - Billy Joel - She's Got A Way
016 - Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon
017 - Faith Hill - Breathe
018 - Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
019 - Chicago - If You Leave Me Now
020 - Sonny & Cher - I Got You Babe
021 - Olivia Newton - John (With John Travolta) - You're The One That I Want
022 - Neil Diamond (With Barbra Streisand) - You Don't Bring Me Flowers
023 - Natalie Cole & Nat King Cole - Unforgettable
024 - Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight
025 - Joe ~censored~ - You Are So Beautiful
026 - Styx - Babe
027 - Rod Stewart - You're In My Heart (The Final Acclaim)
028 - Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
029 - Willie Nelson - Always On My Mind
030 - Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me
031 - Stevie Wonder - You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
032 - John Lennon - Woman
033 - Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)
034 - Reo Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You
035 - Carpenters - Superstar
036 - Barry White - You're The First, The Last, My Everything
037 - No Doubt - Don't Speak
038 - Madonna - Crazy For You
039 - Bon Jovi - I'll Be There For You
040 - Shania Twain - You're Still The One
041 - Kiss - Beth
042 - Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love
043 - Extreme - More Than Words
044 - Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - Time Of My Life (I've Had)
045 - Toni Braxton - Un - Break My Heart
046 - Al Green - Let's Stay Together
047 - Prince - I Would Die 4 U
048 - Sade - By Your Side
049 - Bonnie Raitt - Make You Love Me
050 - Atlantic Starr - Always
051 - Janet Jackson - That's The Way Love Goes
052 - Def Leppard - Love Bites
053 - Barry Manilow - MAndy
054 - Alicia Keys - Fallin'
055 - Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
056 - Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
057 - Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is
058 - The Emotions - Best Of My Love
059 - Journey - FaithfullyB
060 - Commodores - Three Times A Lady
061 - Heart - Alone
062 - Mr. Big - To Be With You
063 - Leann Rimes - How Do I Live
064 - Modern English - Melt With You
065 - Luther Vandross - Here & Now
066 - Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
067 - Bangles - Eternal Flame
068 - Boston - More Than A Feeling
069 - Inxs - Never Tear Us Apart
070 - David Cassidy - I Think I Love You
071 - Led Zepplin - Whole Lotta Love
072 - Captain & Tennille - Love Will Keep Us Together
073 - Vanessa Williams - Save The Best For Last
074 - Chaka Khan - I Feel For You
075 - Peter Frampton - Baby, I Love Your Way
076 - Donna Summer - Love To Love You Baby
077 - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam (Feat Full Force) - All Cried Out
078 - Edwin McCain - I'll Be
079 - Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
080 - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - Islands In The Stream
081 - Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
082 - Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
083 - Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You
084 - Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
085 - George Michael, Wham! - Careless Whisper
086 - Bruce Springsteen - Secret Garden
087 - Whitesnake - Is This Love
088 - Dido - Thank You
089 - Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me
090 - Brian McKnight - Back At One
091 - Elvis Costello - Alison
092 - Air Supply - All Out Of Love
093 - Pat Benatar - We Belong
094 - Nsync - This I Promise You
095 - Roxette - It Must Have Been Love
096 - Andy Gibb & The Bee Gees - I Just Want To Be Your Everything
097 - Ricky Martin - Nobody Wants To Be Lonely
098 - Ll Cool J - I Need Love
099 - Enrique Iglesias - Hero
100 - Poison - Every Rose Has It's Thorn

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Gift for wife's birthday