Life Before Computers

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
And a keyboard was on a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
And a CD was a bank account
And if you had a corrupted disk
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was what you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
A hard drive was a trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to the commode!

Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived
And a virus was the flu!

Top 10 Hollywood Sexiest women

Okay, we know there are a million such lists out there,but hey, this one commended poll of the sexiest women has to be taken seriously.

10. Teri Hatcher
From Lois & Clark to Desperate Housewives, this increasingly hot woman has always turned television into a land of fantastic desire.

9. Carmen Electra
When she was briefly married to wild-at-heart basketball player Dennis Rodman,the Chicago Bulls complained his heart wasn't in his game. What, Really?

8. Maria Sharapova
She's a gorgeous Russian to die for, and unlike Anna Kournikova, she actually plays good tennis!

7. Jenny McCarthy
Playboy's 1993 Playmate Of The Year, she does the bimbo routine on MTV and films like Scream. But hey, with looks like that, who's complaining?

6. Halle Berry
So she hasn't given us a watchable film ever since she bagged an Oscar. Who cares? With a bod like that, this woman is almost enough reason to sit through Swordfish twice.

5. Keira Knightley
If the criteria for watching her films would be to know Jane Austen inside out, we're heading to the library now. This saucy wench is just making the wait for Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 really long.

4. Jessica Simpson
Even if she massacred Nancy Sinatra's These boots were made for Walkin, this All-American bimbette made sure the video took care of our complaints. These curves are all in place.

3. Jessica Alba
Possibly the most bodalicious woman in films today, Alba broke our hearts by mentioning that she'll never do nudity. We're hoping good sense and an arthouse European director eventually prevail

2. Angelina Jolie
Last year's number one, Madame Jolie seems to have lost brownie points on most sexy women lists after turning relatively tame and shacking
up with fellow stunner Brad Pitt. Those lips still guarantee her room on the podium, of course.

1. Scarlett Johansson
Whoa. This girl just keeps getting hotter. This girl in a brilliant red gown (enough to provoke carpet-walking fashion designers) at the Golden Globes; as a voluptuous siren in Woody Allen's Match Point; and naked for the annual special edition issue of Vanity Fair magazine.

What My Heart Sees

WHAT MY HEART SEES~

Does it really matter
What the eyes see
I have trusted the vision
Too many times
That was in front of me
For what you see with your eyes
Can deceive
It is what my heart sees
That I believe

The eyes of the heart
Sees the truth
Do you know why
The heart is the soul of a person
It cannot lie

When two hearts speak
To each other
A truthfulness is there
Appearances can be false
You see only the shell of someone
As you stare

There will be a moment
When they speak
You will know
The appearance they present
Is only for show

But when the words
Come from a person's heart
These words are seasoned well
There is a warmth in what they say
A truthfulness that you can tell

What my heart sees
Is only you
What my heart says
Is forever true

My heart finds no happiness
With anyone else
It aches for only your touch
You are the one my heart needs
Because......
I love you very much

Hear with your heart
Feel with your heart
See with your heart
And then......
Follow your heart

Principles for Success

This is the story of Robby.

He was a young boy who lived with his elderly
Mother. His mother wanted him to learn how to play the piano because she
Longed to hear her son play for her. She sent her son to a piano teacher who
Took Robby in under her guidance .

However, there was one small problem
Because Robby was not musically inclined and therefore was very slow in
Learning.

The teacher did not have much faith in the boy because of his
Weakness. The mother was very enthusiastic and every week she would send
Robby to the teacher.

One day Robby stopped attending the piano lessons. The teacher thought that
He had given up and in fact she was quite pleased since she did not give
Much hope to Robby. Not long after, the piano teacher was given the task to
Organize a piano concert in town. She sent out circulars to invite the
Students and public to attend the event.

Suddenly, she received a call from
Robby who offered to take part in the concert. The teacher told Robby that
He was not good enough and that he was no longer a student since he had
Stopped coming for lessons.

Robby begged her to give him a chance and
Promised that he would not let her down.

Finally, she gave in and she put him to play last, hoping that he will
Change his mind at the last minute. When the big day came, the hall was
Packed and the children gave their best performance. Finally,

It was Robby's
Turn to play and as his name was announced, he walked in. He was not in
Proper attire and his hair was not properly groomed.

The teacher was really
Nervous since Robby's performance could spoil the whole evening's brilliant
Performance.

As Robby started playing the crowd became silent and was amazed
At the skill of this little boy. In fact, he gave the best performance of
The evening. At the end of his presentation the crowd and the piano teacher
Gave him a standing ovation. The crowd asked Robby how he managed to play so

Brilliantly.

With a microphone in front of him, he said, "I was not able to
Attend the weekly piano lessons as there was no one to send me because my
Mother was sick with cancer. She just passed away this morning and I wanted
Her to hear me play. You see, this is the first time she is able to hear me
Play because when she was alive she was deaf and now I know she is listening
To me. I have to play my best for her!"

SUCCESS PRINCIPLES

This is indeed a touching story of love and excellence. When you have a
Passion and a reason to do something, you will surely excel. You may not be
Talented or gifted but if you have a strong enough reason to do something,
You will be able to tap into your inner God given potential.

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

" Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it and you'll start
Believing in it."

The Meaning of Love

Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love.
But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not
fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their
views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be
surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a
simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.

" Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the
way."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

" When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know
that your name is safe in her mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs."

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at
him because you know it would hurt his feelings."

" Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

" Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like
that. They look gross when they kiss but they look happy and sometimes they
dance in the kitchen while kissing."

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."

" If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate."

"Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no."

" When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she
won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she
still love you, she loves you even more ."

" There are 2 kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds
of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

" Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they've know each other so well."

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the
people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one
doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

" Love is-if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That
means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be
okay."

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me
to sleep at night."

" Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"Don't feel so bad if you don't have a boyfriend. There's lots of stuff you
can do without one."

" Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."

"If you want somebody to love you, then just be yourself. Some people try to
act like somebody else, somebody the boy likes better. I think the boy isn't
being very good if he does this to you and you should just find a nicer boy.

" Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all
day"

"When you're born and see your mommy for the first time.

" Love is what makes people hide in the dark corners of movie theaters."

"Love goes on even when you stop breathing and you pick up where you left
off when you reach heaven."

" My enemies taught me how to love."

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
and has to go out and buy new ones."

" You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean
it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

"You have to fall in love before you get married. Then when you're married,
you just sit around and read books together."

" I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me
because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."

"Love cards like Valentine's cards say stuff on them that we'd like to say
ourselves, but we wouldn't be caught dead saying."

" When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you."

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross."

" You never have to be lonely. There's always somebody to love, even if it's
just a squirrel or a kitten."

"You can break love, but it won't die."

Makeup Tips for Eyes, Lips and Face

Your Eyes :

1. For great looking eyes make sure to use powder shadows for a natural look
and a eyeliner pencil for drama at night. Make sure the liner has a smudge
tip at one end to get that smoky eye look. Only line the top of the eye is
you're looking tired. You don't want to bring more attention to dark circles
under the eyes. Neutral tones with a hint of color are flattering on
everybody.

2. For sheen on the eyelids, dab a bit of Vaseline for a pretty reflective
quality, as well as moisture.

3. Open up the eye with a gold/beige shimmery high lighter onto the brow
bone.

4. Don't throw away cash on an expensive eye makeup remover! Find a pretty
glass bottle and fill it with baby shampoo.

5. If your cream eye shadow dries out, use a few drops of water or mineral
oil to soften it up again.

5. Potatoes, like cucumbers, will reduce the appearance of dark, under-eye
circles.



Your Lips :

1. Use blush as a lipstick, then use clear gloss or lip balm over it. Longer
staying power.

2. Natural ingredients have been used for centuries as makeup: apply beet
juice to lips and cheeks as a stain,or mix it with melted bees wax to make
your own lip balm! Cayenne pepper can plump the lips, but use with caution!

3. Use eye makeup remover to treat super dry, chapped lips. It's a great
nighttime lip treatment!



Your Face :

1. For a longer lasting foundation try a product with silicone. The silicone
creates a sweat-proof and smudge resistant second skin. For me, I find it
helps with my rosacea because the live yeast extract has healing powers.

2. A powder bronzer under blush can really even out skin tone. I dab my
brush in the bronzer, then into the blush and lightly cover my whole face.

3. For a new bronzer, use a foundation that is two to three shades darker
than your skin tone and apply where you would use your bronzer. In a pinch
you could use a brown eye shadow.

4. Papaya mixed with plain yogurt into a paste makes a great exfoliating
mask for all skin types!

5. Use an egg white mask for a quick fix for diminishing the appearance of
pores.

Old cock and Young cock

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one Young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards Productivity.

Young cock : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock : 50 meter run. >From here to that t! Ree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, Bang! ..... Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "What the hell ! This is the fifth GAY Chicken I've bought this week !"

Memo to Employees

*To all Employees:*

*Effective January** 2007* * *

*Dress Code*

*1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If
we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.*

*2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.*
* *
*3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a pay raise. *


*Sick Days*

*We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.*
* *
*If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.*


*Holiday** **Days*

*Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.*


*Compassionate Leave*

*This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. *
* *
*In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. *


*Toilet Use*

*1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.* **

*2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken. *
* *
*3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. *
* *
*4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy. *


*Lunch Break*

*1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.*

*2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.*
* *
*3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.*

*Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of
choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.*
* *
*Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. *

Who is Rich, Who is Poor

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the
country with the
express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be
considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the
trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a
creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond
our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to
protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if
we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we
don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their
perspective and appreciation.

Diwali Recipes

JALEBI

Ingredients :
White gram dal - 500gm
Water - 1litre
Sugar - 1kg
Coconut oil or refined oil - 1kg
Jalebi colour (orange) - 5 drops
Salt - to taste

Preparation :
Finely grind the white gram dal with little water. Mix salt in it and
Make a smooth batter of semi-thick consistency.

Heat sugar in a pan and add water into it. Add the jalebi colour and
Remove from the fire when it thickens.

Heat oil in a thick bottom vessel. Squeeze the prepared batter into the
Oil through a thin layered cloth. While squeezing the batter, first make
Three rounds and a flower shape on top. When it is done (don't fry),
Remove from oil. Allow oil to drain. Put the jalebis into the warm sugar
Syrup. Take out after they soak in the syrup for about 15 minutes.
Make
Jalebi's' with the whole batter.


BESAN LADDU

Ingredients :
500 gm besan, sifted
500 gm ground sugar
200 gm ghee
1 tsp green cardamom or elaichi , powdered

Preparation :
Heat the ghee until it smokes, then lower the heat. Add the besan and
Fry on a medium heat until it is a golden colour. Take it off the fire
For two or three minutes and add the sugar.

When it is cooled to a comfortable temperature, grease your palms with
Ghee and form the mixture into balls.

Set aside to cool and harden. Store in air-tight containers.


KAAJU BURFI OR KAJU KATLI

Ingredients :
2 cups of finely grounded Cashew powder
1/4 cup Milk
3/4 cup Sugar
Few silver vark for decoration

Preparation :
Heat milk in a large pot and add sugar.

When it starts bubbling remove from stove and add cashew powder little
At a time. Mix well making a thick form. You may add more powder if
Needed for making thick.

Pour the mix on a wax paper or thali. Press and spread with your palms
For making thin burfi.

Put silver vark on top if you wish.

Let it cool completely before cutting in burfi shape.

Put in a airtight container and keep in a cool place.

CABBAGE 'N CARROT BHUJIA

Ingredients :
4 tablespoons oil
1 tablespoon whole black mustard seeds
1 dried red chilli
1 cabbage, finely sliced
350 grams carrots, coarsely grated
1 green chilli, cut into thin strips and seeds removed
1/2 teaspoon sugar
4 tablespoons chopped, fresh coriander
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Preparation :
Heat oil in a frying pan, saute mustard seeds and dried red chilli for
1 Minute. Add cabbage, carrots and green chilli. Reduce heat to low,
Stir-fry the vegetables for about 30 seconds. Add sugar and coriander,
Stir fry for another 5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Add
Lemon Juice. Remove red chilli before serving.


MOTI CHUR LADDU

Ingredients :
2 cups besan
1 & 1/2 cup sugar
10 pods cardamom
1/2 cup raisins
Ghee or oil for deep frying

Preparation :
Mix besan with 1 &1/2 cup water to make a smooth batter free from
Lumps. Powder cardamom and keep aside.

Fry raisins in a little ghee and keep ready. Make sugar syrup with
Sugar and 1 cup of water. Keep the syrup till its consistency reaches a long
String stage. Hold a perforated ladle over oil.

Pour some prepared besan batter on the ladle and the drops will fall
Through the holes of the ladle on to the hot oil. Cook on low flame,
Stirring continuously. Continue till the batter is cooked.

Now mix boondi, sugar syrup cardamom powder, raisins and stir well.

When the mixture is cool, shape into laddus of desired size.


BADAM (ALMOND) KATLI

Ingredients (Makes 35 Katlis approx)
250 gm: Almonds (soaked overnight)
200 gm: Sugar powdered
Few tbsp: Milk
Silver foil (optional)

Preparation:
Drain and change water from almonds.
Peel almonds. Keep aside.
Wash once more to remove any traces of brownishness.
Grind to a fine paste using as little milk as possible.
In a heavy large skillet mix paste and sugar.
Cook, stirring constantly, using a large handled spoon or spatula.
Take care of splattering in initial stages.
Also, do not stop stirring because the mixture burnt and stuck to
Bottom of skillet will spoil the taste.
When a soft lump is form, which leaves sides of skillet easily, take
off fire.
Grease a clean work surface and a rolling pin with melted ghee.
Put lump on it. Roll quickly while still warm to 1/5" thickness.
Apply silver foil and press lightly with foil paper.
Mark out long diamond shapes with a sharp knife.
When almost cool remove carefully with a sharp edged wide spatula.
Cool completely before storing in layers between sheets of butter
paper.


ALMOND SEERA

Ingredients (Serves 5)
1-1/2 cup: Blanched Almonds (see Notes)
1 cup: Coarse Wheat Flour
1 tsp: Cardamom Powder
1/4 tsp: Saffron Strands - crushed
8-10 no: Blanched almonds chopped into slivers or halved
1 tbsp: Warm Milk
1-1/4 cup: Ghee
1 cup: Sugar
3 cup: Water

Preparation:
Rub and dissolve saffron in milk. Keep aside.
Dry and powder blanched almonds. Saving 10 for garnishing.
Melt ghee in a large heavy pan.
Add flour. Stir-fry for 2-3 minutes.
Add almond powder. Stir-fry till golden and aroma exudes.
Take care to stir continuously.
Add water. Stir and cook.
Add sugar and cook further. Stirring gently.
When ghee starts to exude. Add cardamom and saffron.
Stir. Place into serving dish.
Garnish with chopped almonds.
One may put the dish in hot case to keep it warm. Reheat in microwave
or in a pan.

Note: To Blanche almonds soak in water for 5-6 hours. Peel skin, dab
and air on clean towel till dry. Powder or use as required.


SITAPHAL RABDI

Ingredients (Serves 7-8)
1 cup: Sitaphal (Pumpkin) Pulp
2 litre: Whole milk
4 no: Green pistachios, unsalted
4 no: Almonds
1 tsp: Chopped fragrant red rose petals
1/4 tsp: Saffron strands
1/4 tsp: Cardamom powder
3/4 cup: Sugar

Preparation:
Crush almonds and pasta coarsely or cut into thin slivers.
Boil milk in a clean heavy pan.
Simmer for ten minutes after it starts boiling.
Stir occasionally while boiling.
Add sugar. Stir till dissolves.
Take the pan off fire. Add saffron, cardamom, almonds and pistas.
Cool to room temperature.
Add sitaphal pulp. Chill for 3-4 hours till very cold.
Put in individual serving bowls sprinkle a few chopped rose petals to
garnish.
Serve chilled.


CHICK PEAS AND POTATOES CURRY

Ingredients (Serve 4-6)
1 can chick peas
3 lbs potatoes
1large onion
3 cloves of garlic
1 chilly pepper
3 tsp curry powder
1 cup of water
2 tsp vegetable oil
3 leaves shadow benny (optional)
1/2 tsp cumin powder

Preparation :
Peel potatoes and cut in quarters.
Peel onions and chop finely.
In a medium size pan add vegetable oil and heat well.
Add chopped onions and chilly pepper. Cook for about 2 minutes or
until onions sweat.
Add curry powder and stir constantly. Now, add about quarter of a cup
water and stir occasionally until curry powder, onion, pepper and
garlic becomes a paste.
Cook for about 5 mins.
Add potatoes, shadow benny leaves (if available) and chickpeas. Stir
up and let cook for about another 10 mins.
Add remaining water and let cook until potatoes and chick peas is
tender.
When the sauce consistency is slightly thick add cumin powder, stir up
and remove from heat. This chickpeas and potatoes curry tastes great with cooked white rice.