New Guidelines for Employees - Funny

1. DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada
sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.


2. SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.


3. SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.


4. PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.


5. VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time
every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1,
July 4, and December 25.


6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early, provided your work is done.


7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train
your own replacement.


8. RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going once
each day, in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A'
will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin
with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, and the stall door will open.


9. LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Generation Gap ( joke)

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football
game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next
to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand
his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one
!", the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.

"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space
travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We
have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL,
BPS, light-speed processing .... and..."

...pausing to take another drink of beer.... The Senior took advantage
of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We
didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. Now,
you - arrogant little - what are you doing for the next generation?"

How not to pass exams

Ten ways to Stop telemarketing Calls

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance
calls from irritating you:

1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2 Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her,
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
him/her back.

3 Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4 Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put
them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5 Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the
phone to your five year old child.

6 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up....
louder... louder... louder!

7 If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems............."

8 Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

9 Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd
call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell
them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is
really MALE.

10 Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and
give him the HSBC call centre number.

Deadly Scrabble

Someone out there either has too much

spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Be a LEADER, Not a BOSS

The boss drives his men;

The Leader coaches them.

The boss depends on authority;

The Leader on goodwill.

The boss inspires fear;

The Leader inspires enthusiasm.

The boss says "I";

The Leader says "We".

The boss says; "Get there on time"

The Leader gets there ahead of time.

The boss fixes blame for the breakdown;

The Leader fixes the breakdown.

The boss knows how it is done;

The Leader shows how.

The boss says, "Go";

The Leaders says, "Lets go".

The boss uses people;

The Leader develops them.

The boss sees today;

The Leader also looks at tomorrow.

The boss commands;

The Leader asks.

The boss never has enough time;

The Leader takes time for things that count.

The boss is concerned with things;

The Leader is concerned with people.

The boss lets his people know where he stands;

The Leader lets his people know where they stand.

The boss works hard to produce;

The Leader works hard to help his people produce.

The boss takes the credit;

The Leader gives it away.

So…..Who are you? A boss or a Leader?……

Think.......

And take action to become a LEADER, not a BOSSSSSSSS.

Undies For Your Mobile Phone

Petrol / Gas Saving Tips (Good tip)

Some really good practical ideas on fuel conservation.

Hi, here's some petrol saving tips.

Someone who has been in petroleum pipeline business for about 31 years
and is currently working for the Kinder-Morgan Pipeline in San Jose ,
CA wrote the following information:

We deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period from the pipe
line; one day it's diesel, the next day it's jet fuel and gasoline.
We have 34 storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000
gallons.
Here are some tricks to help you get your money's worth.

1. Fill up your car or truck in the morning when the temperature is
still cool. Remember that all service stations have their storage
tanks buried below ground; and the colder the ground, the denser the
gasoline.
When it gets warmer gasoline expands, so if you're filling up in the
afternoon or in the evening, what should be a gallon is not exactly a
gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and
temperature of the fuel (gasoline, diesel, jet fuel, ethanol and other
petroleum
products) are significant. Every truckload that we load is
temperature-compensated so that the indicated gallon age is actually
the amount pumped. A one-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for
businesses, but service stations don't have temperature compensation
at their pumps.

2. If a tanker truck is filling the station's tank at the time you
want to buy gas, do not fill up; most likely dirt and sludge in the
tank is being stirred up when gas is being delivered, and you might be
transferring that dirt from the bottom of their tank into your car's
tank.

3. Fill up when your gas tank is half-full (or half-empty), because
the more gas you have in your tank the less air there is and gasoline
evaporates rapidly, especially when it's warm. (Gasoline storage tanks
have an internal floating 'roof' membrane to act as a barrier between
the gas and the atmosphere, thereby minimizing evaporation.)

4. If you look at the trigger you'll see that it has three delivery
settings: slow, medium and high. When you're filling up do not squeeze
the trigger of the nozzle to the high setting. You should be pumping
at the slow setting, thereby minimizing vapors created while you are
pumping. Hoses at the pump are corrugated; the corrugations act as a
return path for vapor recovery from gas that already has been metered.
If you are pumping at the high setting, the agitated gasoline contains
more vapors, which is being sucked back into the underground tank, so
you're getting less gas for your money.

Hope this will help ease your 'pain at the pump'!

Top 100 Greatest Love Songs

001 - Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You

002 - Elvis Presley - Love Me Tender
003 - Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
004 - Journey - Open Arms
005 - Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed
006 - Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
007 - Lionel Richie (With Diana Ross) - Endless Love
008 - Elton John - Your Song
009 - Jackson Five - I'll Be There
010 - Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
011 - Etta James - At Last
012 - Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love
013 - Sinead O'connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
014 - Olivia Newton John - I Honestly Love You
015 - Billy Joel - She's Got A Way
016 - Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon
017 - Faith Hill - Breathe
018 - Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
019 - Chicago - If You Leave Me Now
020 - Sonny & Cher - I Got You Babe
021 - Olivia Newton - John (With John Travolta) - You're The One That I Want
022 - Neil Diamond (With Barbra Streisand) - You Don't Bring Me Flowers
023 - Natalie Cole & Nat King Cole - Unforgettable
024 - Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight
025 - Joe ~censored~ - You Are So Beautiful
026 - Styx - Babe
027 - Rod Stewart - You're In My Heart (The Final Acclaim)
028 - Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
029 - Willie Nelson - Always On My Mind
030 - Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me
031 - Stevie Wonder - You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
032 - John Lennon - Woman
033 - Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)
034 - Reo Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You
035 - Carpenters - Superstar
036 - Barry White - You're The First, The Last, My Everything
037 - No Doubt - Don't Speak
038 - Madonna - Crazy For You
039 - Bon Jovi - I'll Be There For You
040 - Shania Twain - You're Still The One
041 - Kiss - Beth
042 - Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love
043 - Extreme - More Than Words
044 - Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - Time Of My Life (I've Had)
045 - Toni Braxton - Un - Break My Heart
046 - Al Green - Let's Stay Together
047 - Prince - I Would Die 4 U
048 - Sade - By Your Side
049 - Bonnie Raitt - Make You Love Me
050 - Atlantic Starr - Always
051 - Janet Jackson - That's The Way Love Goes
052 - Def Leppard - Love Bites
053 - Barry Manilow - MAndy
054 - Alicia Keys - Fallin'
055 - Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
056 - Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
057 - Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is
058 - The Emotions - Best Of My Love
059 - Journey - FaithfullyB
060 - Commodores - Three Times A Lady
061 - Heart - Alone
062 - Mr. Big - To Be With You
063 - Leann Rimes - How Do I Live
064 - Modern English - Melt With You
065 - Luther Vandross - Here & Now
066 - Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
067 - Bangles - Eternal Flame
068 - Boston - More Than A Feeling
069 - Inxs - Never Tear Us Apart
070 - David Cassidy - I Think I Love You
071 - Led Zepplin - Whole Lotta Love
072 - Captain & Tennille - Love Will Keep Us Together
073 - Vanessa Williams - Save The Best For Last
074 - Chaka Khan - I Feel For You
075 - Peter Frampton - Baby, I Love Your Way
076 - Donna Summer - Love To Love You Baby
077 - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam (Feat Full Force) - All Cried Out
078 - Edwin McCain - I'll Be
079 - Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
080 - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - Islands In The Stream
081 - Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
082 - Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
083 - Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You
084 - Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
085 - George Michael, Wham! - Careless Whisper
086 - Bruce Springsteen - Secret Garden
087 - Whitesnake - Is This Love
088 - Dido - Thank You
089 - Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me
090 - Brian McKnight - Back At One
091 - Elvis Costello - Alison
092 - Air Supply - All Out Of Love
093 - Pat Benatar - We Belong
094 - Nsync - This I Promise You
095 - Roxette - It Must Have Been Love
096 - Andy Gibb & The Bee Gees - I Just Want To Be Your Everything
097 - Ricky Martin - Nobody Wants To Be Lonely
098 - Ll Cool J - I Need Love
099 - Enrique Iglesias - Hero
100 - Poison - Every Rose Has It's Thorn

Gift for wife's birthday

Make up your mind not to worry !

ANXIETY is an emotion that we all experience. Anxiety, as well as all the other emotions, can actually be turned around to our advantage. When we use the right amount, in the right place, at the right time, for the right thing, then these feelings can have a positive effect. When we use the wrong amount, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, they become negative. Excessive brooding over the future or regret for the past gives rise to worry or anxiety. Let us see how we can use the word worry to remind us how to avoid worry.

Worry starts with the letter `W'. We always think of the worst. When we are conducting our business, we worry: ``What if I can't make any money? What if there is a loss?'' We never ask, ``What if I make a profit?'' Worry always arises from this negative tendency in our minds. Yet, very often, when we have believed that the worst would happen, instead, something good happened!

Whenever you recognise the symptom of worry, check this out yourself. You will be thinking about the negative possibilities. Don't think about the worst, think instead about the Wonderful things that might happen.

The letter `O' stands for optimism, and this means refusing to become obsessed with the results of your actions. Think positively about the result, but don't be obsessed with it. Sometimes we get more benefit from our actions than we expected, and at other times, not quite what we hoped for. But if we are so obsessed with a particular result, we usually start thinking negatively. That is, we fear the worst. Why? Because we come to believe that the only good result is the one we imagine we want. Thus we become pessimistic rather than optimistic.

We cannot predict the future, we can only plan for it and work towards it to the best of our ability. Do not become obsessed about achieving a particular result. Who knows, the outcome may far exceed your expectations!

Constant worry not only arises from brooding over the future, but also from regretting the past. We are in the habit of forgetting all of the positive results from our past actions, and remembering only the negative things that have happened. How easily we gloss over all of the victories we have had in our lives and dig up minor failures from the past to reinforce our gloomy outlook.

So `R' is to Remember all of the positive things from the past, and be optimistic for wonderful things in the future. Do not use your memory to think about the worst that has happened, and be filled with regret.

The next `R' is for Restlessness. One major reason behind our anxiety for the future lies in our tendency to be physically restful and mentally restless. We want results but we don't want to work for them. Have you noticed youngsters during examination time? They spend most of the time worried: Will I pass or not? Why does this worry come about? It is usually because they haven't studied. Those who have worked hard and have worked properly for a result, for them there is no need to worry about anything.

Finally, we come to `Y'. This letter stands for `Yes'. Worry continues to haunt us because we say yes to the mind. There will be many situations where worry and anxiety will enter the mind. But do not say yes to the mind.

Make up your mind not to worry -- that is the secret of controlling the mind. Once we have made up our minds, then all that we have learnt from spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Gita, and all that we learn from spiritual discourses will become effective. In Sanskrit the word for worry is "chinta". A similar word, "chitaa" means the pyre that burns the dead. This chitaa, this pyre, burns us once when we are dead; but chinta burns us continuously while we are still alive!

Worry will enter the mind, but you must refuse to entertain it. Do not say `yes' to worry. Say `no' to worry and to all the sorrows in your life. Swami Chinmayananda once thundered: ``Refuse to be miserable!'' Try it. It is the secret of life....

Beauty of Mathematics

 

 1 x 8 + 1 = 9
 12 x 8 + 2 = 98
 123 x 8 + 3 = 987
 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
 
  1 x 9 + 2 = 11
 12 x 9 + 3 = 111
 123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
 1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
 12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
 123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
 1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
 12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
 123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
 
  9 x 9 + 7 = 88
 98 x 9 + 6 = 888
 987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
 9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
 98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
 987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
 9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
 98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
 
Brilliant, isn't it?
 
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
 
  1 x 1 = 1
 11 x 11 = 121
 111 x 111 = 12321
 1111 x 1111 = 1234321
 11111 x 11111 = 123454321
 111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
 1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
 11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
 111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

How Do You Decide Who To Marry? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you

like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she

should

keep the chips and dip coming.

- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going

to marry.

God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who

you're stuck with.

- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person

FOREVER

by then.

- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get

married.

- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be

yelling at the same kids.

- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.

- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to

know

each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long

enough.

- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that

Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the

newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead

columns.

-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.

- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to

mess

with that.

- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should

marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need

someone to clean up after them.

- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a

truck.

- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)

The man discovered

The man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;

the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;

the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;

The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;

The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;

the woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...

but the woman are still BUSY in ....... shopping

Honey and Cinnamon

It is found that mixture of Honey and Cinnamon

cures most of the diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries
of the world. Ayurvedic as well as Yunani medicine have been using honey
as a vital medicine for centuries. Scientists of today also accept honey
as a Ram Ban (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey
can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases. Today's
science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage
as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients also. A famous magazine
named Weekly World News published in Canada dated 17 January, 95 has given
a list of diseases that can be cured by Honey and Cinnamon as researched
by western scientists.

The list is show below:

No.	Disease	Curing way
1.	ARTHRITIS:	Take one part honey to two parts of luke warm water and add a small teaspoon of cinnamon powder, make a paste and massage it on the itching part of the body slowly. It is noticed that the pain recedes within a minute or two. Or arthritis patients may daily, morning and night take one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If drunk regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research done at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon cinnamon powder before breakfast. They found that within a week out of the 200 people so treated practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain and within a month. Mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.
2.	HAIR LOSS:	Those suffering from hair loss or baldness, may apply a paste of hot olive oil, one tablespoon of honey, one teaspoon of cinnamon powder before bath and keep it for approx. 15 min. and then wash the hair. It was found very effective if kept for 5 mins. also.
3.	BLADDER INFECTIONS:	Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of luke warm water and drink it. It destroys the germs of the bladder.
4.	TOOTHACHE:	Make a paste of one teaspoon of cinnamon powder and five teaspoons of honey and apply on the aching tooth. This may be done 3 times a day daily till such time that the tooth has stopped aching.
5.	CHOLESTEROL	Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, if given to a cholesterol patient, it reduces the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10% within 2 hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken 3 times a day any chronic cholesterol is cured. As per the information received in the said journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complains of cholesterol.
5.	COLDS:	Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon luke warm honey with 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon powder daily for 3 days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold and clear the sinuses.
6.	INFERTILITY:	Yunani and Ayurvedic have been using honey for years    in medicine to strengthen the semen of men. If impotent men regularly take two tablespoon of honey before sleeping, their problem will be solved. In China, Japan and Far-East countries, women who do not conceive and to strengthen the uterus have been taking cinnamon powder for centuries. Women who cannot conceive may take a pinch of cinnamon powder in half teaspoon of honey and apply it on the gums frequently throughout the day, so that it slowly mixes with the saliva and enters the body. A couple in Maryland, America had no children for 14 years and had left hope of having a child of their own. When told about this process husband and wife started taking honey and cinnamon as stated above, the wife conceived after a few months and had twins at full term.
7.	UPSET STOMACH:	Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomachache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.
8.	GAS:	According to the studies done in India & Japan, it is revealed that if honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.
9.	HEART DISEASES:	Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread or chappati instead of jelly and jam and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heartbeat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that due to the increasing age the arteries and veins, which lose their flexibility and get clogged, are revitalized.
10.	IMMUNE SYSTEM:	Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases.
11.	INDIGESTION:	Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food, relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
12.	INFLUENZA	A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ingredient, which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.
13.	LONGEVITY:	Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly arrests the ravages of old age. Take 4 spoons of honey, 1spoon of cinnamon powder and 3 cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, 3 to 4 times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life span also increases and even if a person is 100 years old, starts performing the chores of a 20 year old.
14.	PIMPLES:	Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
15.	SKIN INFECTIONS:	Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
16.	WEIGHT LOSS:	Daily in the morning, 1/2 hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup water. If taken regularly it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also drinking of this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
17.	CANCER:	Recent research in Japan and Australia has reveled that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month 3 times a day.
18.	FATIGUE:	Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful than detrimental to the body strength. Senior citizens who take honey and cinnamon power in equal parts are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton who has done research says that half tablespoon honey taken in one glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3.00 p.m. when the vitality of the body starts decreasing, increases the vitality of the body within a week.
19.	BAD BREATH:	People of South America, first thing in the morning gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water. So their breath stays fresh throughout the day.
20.	SINUS & HEADACHES:	Drink mix up with honey & lemon juice helps sinus headaches.

.

Women and Men

Friendship between women

 

One night, a woman didn't come back home. The next day, her husband asked her "where did u sleep last night?". She said " in one of my friend's home". Her husband called to the ten of her best friends but no one confirmed the woman's words.

 

 

 

 

Friendship between men

 

One night, a man didn't come back home. The next day, his wife asked him: " where did u sleep last night?". He said " in one of my friend's home". His wife called to the ten of his best friends. Eight of them confirmed his words and two of the told that he was still there with them. :D

Employees according to Zodiac Signs

Aries Employee Profile

==================

Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters.

They'll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of
different
work sites fixing things. They certainly won't be happy for very
long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule.

The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square
hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details.
No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a
routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all.
They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to
satisfy their competitive tendencies--
but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new
projects. They typically like to have a sense of responsibility
and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and
provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work
themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves.

If you want to keep your Aries co-worker productive and happy,
you'll want to give them the opportunity to work independently
or let them help and lead less experienced workers.

Taurus Employee Profile
===================

Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal,
hardworking, and no-nonsense. They work methodically and
follow projects through until they are complete. Some may
appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so
careful-but they will always finish what they start. They thrive on
structure, schedules, and routine. You'll find them doing the
same exact thing at the same time every day.

Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that
they often appear to be. If they have to work in a chaotic
environment, they won't be happy and will be prone to child-like
temper tantrums and stubbornness. They might react similarly if
they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where
there is no obvious potential for advancement.

Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn't a ladder for them to
climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to
advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who
may stand in their way of progress.

Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily
before they feel they are being taken advantage of. They will
gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get
done, but they expect rewards. They want material gain, salary
increases, and the potential for more power.

To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them
projects through which they will see tangible results-hopefully
something that will allow them to express their unique creativity
in addition to their practical side. They don't want to feel mired
in details for long periods of time.

Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews.
This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company

Gemini Employee Profile
===================

Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one
thing for long periods of time. They have quick-moving minds
and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others.
They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't
particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering
from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the
office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and
make ideal salespeople and mediators.
. They love to nego-
tiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved.

When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their
wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive.
When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-
work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll,
they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods
can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity.

It is really against their nature to be forced into an average
workday schedule and environment. They are happier traveling.
lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation.

Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to
escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to
put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to
avoid getting into any debates with them - they will surely
win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They
will need an accepting environment-one that supports their
need for multi-tasking.


Cancer Employee Profile
====================

The Cancer employee isn't at work to feed their ego -- their
job is just a job and a means to get paid. They work steadily
and are usually very reliable. You'll be able to depend on them
to show up on time and do what is necessary. They won't get
involved in power struggles or get upset when someone
advances before them. They are able to accept the situation
because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up. Their
motivation is security.

They'll want more money the longer they've stayed at a job.
They don't want to have to worry about how they'll make ends
meet tomorrow so they'll need a stable position without much
risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on
occasion.

During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as
everyone else's in the office. Their moods can be so strong
everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these
occurrences, managers and co-workers should try to make
the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well
heated, cozy, and friendly. Don't press them to reveal their
true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and
protective, and they could see prying as an attempt to
disturb their security.

Leo Employee Profile
=================

Leo workers want to be first and at the centre of the office.
Even if they can't lead, they'll look for every opportunity to
increase their own status -- and if someone else seems
ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they
aren't happy by pouting and complaining. They want
advancement so much that they'll take on more respon-
sibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in
the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they
are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are
doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice.

They know they are superior and want everyone to know it
as well. This arrogance can sometimes cause problems
when working with management. But typically, they are just
hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are.

They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product
or company just as well as they promote themselves.

Their strength and arrogance isn't just show either. In a crisis
situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage.

Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility
and rewards. They are happy to train and mentor new co-
workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of
authority.

If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you'll need to
give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence.
They will certainly want to help lighten your load of manage-
ment responsibilities. Just be careful- the next thing you know
they could be taking over your job.


Virgo Employee Profile
==================

In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal
emloyees, happily working late into the night to make sure
everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an
employee who doesn't mind starting from rock bottom in the
most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo.

They'll have no complaints about the position being beneath
them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work.
Their contentment isn't always apparent, however.

They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize
the way things are done around the office and are the first
ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be
extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and
don't mince words over what they feel just isn't right.

Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing a half-
baked job or not being considerate of other co-workers.

You'll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to
quell their anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there
is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented
project and let them work alone on it. You won't have to
supervise a Virgo worker. They'll check all the facts before
getting started and catch their own errors when they are done.

To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure
their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide
small gestures of appreciation. They don't need extravagance,
just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that
won't embarrass them. They will probably just shrug their
shoulders and say, "It's no big deal." But deep down inside
they need these little reassurances.



Libra Employee Profile
==================

Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with
sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes
find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the
energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from
affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant
vibrations will put them off so much that they will have
difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work.

One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking,
ambitious employee around. The next day they might be
down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers
shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood.
It really won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over
them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a
balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence
at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch.
Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically
happy and stable people. They are capable of profound
logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before
acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around.

They are expert researchers and mediators. And their
sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at
keeping things looking great. They will easily help others
resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers
and management so that everyone ends up happy.

If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them
the respect they are due and put them in a position where
they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They
won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either-
make sure they are given increased responsibility



Scorpio Employee Profile
====================

Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They
are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of
self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and
take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation.
They don't make excuses; they just take care of business and
expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don't, co-
workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath.

They don't mind being completely vocal about what they feel is
wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be
sure to expect retaliation. They won't take insults or opposition
lying down.

If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through
with your word and don't break any promises-Scorpio is
keeping track and building up some heavy resentments
against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until
too late-but when Scorpio gets too much, you'll be sure to
know.

Scorpio employees will react towards those around them
exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want,
they will be very accepting.

If you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker,
be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally.
Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their
awesome self-confidence and courage.

Sagittarius Employee Profile
======================

The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing
to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like
there's no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the
toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them
out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities
and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office-
otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards
someone so arrogant and extravagant.

Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can
handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the
ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because
their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes.
Don't let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about
what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude
that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just
messed up big time.

Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn't mean
they won't tell you exactly how they feel-what is working for
them and what isn't. And they won't just blindly take orders -
they need to understand the method and reason behind the
process.

If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be
sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and
hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once
deadlines are met.

And whatever you do, try not to question their intentions-
it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren't
capable of deceit.

Capricorn Employee Profile
======================

A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker.

They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no
sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of
responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly
ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will
usually know that they are serious and determined about
advancing themselves.

They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be
self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear
down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is
incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work
away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard
sell or the new hardware release.

Capricorns don't work for free, however. They expect to be
paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility.
They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and
they see the work environment as their primary vehicle.

They won't go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though.

They want to get down to business at work and see it as no
place for fooling around.

With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors,
it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system.

They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management
schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their
dry sense of humor in the most critical ways.

If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort
leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and
depression with a sense of hopelessness.

Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly
and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of
advancement within your organization for them. If you don't,
you might find them looking for other opportunities.


Aquarius Employee Profile
=====================

The Aquarius employee can't tolerate unfairness in the office.

Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they
deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They'll try
to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it's
the last thing that they do. They are so smart-they can't help
but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are
being unfair and unintelligent. It isn't that they are overly
ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just
that they think people in power should know better.

Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and
will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace.
Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously.

They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong
work ethic. Their bright, off-beat intelligence, and trustworthi-
ness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work.

Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete
thinking and sensitivity to co-workers. Keep your smart
Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity
to learn news kills.

Raises are less important to them. No amount of money will
make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position. Don't
let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as
easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot

Pisces Employee Profile
===================

The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if
unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to
keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the
detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom
they feel are worthy of devotion.

On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that
of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their
cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own
business or next vacation.

Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long.
Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for
that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit
and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad
direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it.
They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem
reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their
co-workers.

Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true
nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporte culture.
What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around
but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their
work impacts the entire organization.

They need to know that what they are doing is worth
something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their
unconventional organization and planning will be necessary.
Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format
doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment
bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt.

Heartless Medicine, Mindless Doctors

Dear Friends,

 

Was the decision to link health to profits by wedding research laboratories and researchers to the industry a good thing? The money flow improved of course but the end result has certainly not been achieved. Today we have dubious, biased research and doctors only too willing to go all the way.

 

A document has recently been shown to me that details the amounts given to various doctors under the guise of "conference fees" and then tracks their volume of prescription of particular drugs under the heading "return on investment". The list contains the name of a doctor who I still cannot believe is involved in this racket. The fact that his "performance" is not upto the mark gives me some solace.

 

We are being targeted by medicines which may well be for illnesses that do not exist. We are being prompted by doctors, some of whom are not applying their brains to the process and refusing to be a part of the racket. It is a case of "Heartless Medicine, Mindless Doctors". This disease has become chronic and incurable.

 

Why do doctors behave in this fashion? The Times of India studied this phenomenon and came out with some explanations.

 

1. Doctors are taught to be insensitive to the pain of their patients.

2. They are taught to force inconvinient cures on their patients "for their good".

3. They are regularly exposed to disease and death thus loosing their respect for life.

4. They pay a lot of money on their education and clinics and are in a hurry to get back their investments.

5. The lure of money and "foreign exposure" prods them into submitting research papers that serves the designs of the industry than help any patient.

6. The pressure of medical representatives to achieve "targets" takes its toll.

 

A case in point is an article published in a recent issue of the Indian Journal of Pediatrics on the study of a iron supplement on breast fed babies. The abstract states in bold letters that the study found that such supplements were effective. But upon going through the article I found that no such claim was made in it! Rather the article pointed out the myriad constraints. Both the authors of the article as well as the editor of the magazine are obviously suffering from the "HMMD" syndrome.

 

What then is the way out? We need informed patients and recourse to special health specific consumer courts.

 

This disease is not confined to modern doctors alone. It is also rampant amongst quacks who claim to be professional natural healers. We should stay away from such frauds.

 

I am enclosing the article that made me reflect on the HMMD disease.

 

Regards,

Jagannath.

 

 

Women should be wary of cancer test campaign

TV commercials exploit fear of breast cancer in the guise of education

COMMENTARY

By Arthur Caplan, Ph.D.

Updated: 9:50 a.m. ET Sept. 14, 2007

 

Myriad Genetics, a Salt Lake City biotechnology company, has seen its stock price rise in the past few days. My hunch is investors are responding to the company's unprecedented direct-to-consumer television advertising campaign aimed at women concerned about breast and ovarian cancer.

 

It would be fair to say that this encompasses just about every woman in the world old enough to have heard of breast cancer or ovarian cancer.

 

Those investing in Myriad stock know that is a pretty big market for a company offering a test that can detect genes which dispose women to getting these cancers. 

 

In fact, it's too big a market. Myriad is getting awfully close to overselling its testing technology in the guise of trying to educate women about breast cancer. While Wall Street may be happy, the Myriad campaign is exploiting fear of cancer to sell its test.

 

Myriad is running TV ads, along with some radio and magazine spots, with the slogan "Be ready against cancer" in Boston, Hartford, Providence, and New York City for the next six months. The ads urge women who have a family history of breast cancer to consider getting tested to see if they have a mutation that also puts them at risk. The testing can cost over $3,000.

 

The ads don't make it very clear that Myriad makes the test.

 

More about business
Now, paying that much money might seem worthwhile since women who have the genetic mutation have a very high risk of developing breast cancer and a high risk of ovarian cancer -- much higher than women who don't.

 

Myriad says that the ads are intended to be "informative, factual, positive and empowering with the goal of encouraging women to think about their family history of breast and ovarian cancers." Some physicians would applaud any ad campaign that gets women thinking about their family genetic risk factors for breast and ovarian cancer.

 

I think, however, that these ads make more business sense for Myriad than for public health or for educating women.

 

It is true that certain genes can put a woman at much higher risk of breast cancer. But the genes Myriad offers testing for are responsible for only about 10 percent of all breast cancer. Nor does having the gene mean you will get the disease at a young age.

 

If you have the genetic mutations, you are at much greater risk of getting breast cancer -- but it may not strike until your 50s or 60s. That is a long time off for someone in their 20s to be worrying about getting a cancer that could well be cured in two or three decades.

Many experts on genetic testing recommend the Myriad genetic test only for women who have close genetic relatives who had breast cancer at a young age -- 40 and younger. Perhaps 2 percent of American women meet that criterion.

 

Not only is there a grave risk that the test is being pitched to women who don't need it, it is not clear what women are to do if they do have the genetic mutation. At one extreme, some doctors recommend complete removal of the breasts to prevent cancer. But even that drastic surgery is not 100 percent effective.

 

If you already know you have a family history of breast cancer, then you can get frequent breast exams without having your genes tested. That's all you will do anyway -- even if you test positive.

 

Ticking time bomb
Ironically if you watch the ad and then get the test, you could well do yourself some harm.

Some life and health insurance companies will not be thrilled to find out that a woman thinks she is at risk of breast cancer or ovarian cancer. They might drop coverage as soon as a test is sought. Others will certainly want to know if a test result is positive. As a 'pre-existing' condition, that could spell trouble down the road in getting the costs of treatment for breast or ovarian cancer reimbursed. Or a health-benefits manager could decide that someone with a ticking time-bomb cancer gene is not the sort of person they need on the health plan. There is not much in the way of legislation that protects women against this sort of genetic discrimination.

 

There is no doubt that this ad barrage will be effective. Wall Street already knows that. 

Many women will want the test that Myriad is promoting even though they are not at any particular risk of having the relatively rare genetic mutation, a condition which accounts for a small proportion of all breast cancer. Myriad says it wants to do good by raising public awareness about hereditary breast cancer. Maybe. 

 

But the company's claim would be a lot more convincing if they were not using a shotgun ad campaign likely to yield a lot more lucrative testing than a more targeted campaign which could really inform the 1 in 400 women who might truly benefit from knowing their risk.

 

Arthur Caplan, Ph.D., is director of the Center for Bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania.

(c) 2007 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20761643/

Internet Addict

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!"(FOR DIAL UP'S) 

2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
18. You say......."Where did the time go??"
19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
21.You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
22. Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.
23. You think faster than the computer.
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.
25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP".
29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.